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Life is Meaningless!!!!!!! [Jul. 22nd, 2006|03:28 am]
[music |Live]

I'm 21 years old and I don't think I've had a single meaningful relationshipship in my life. How fucking pathetic is that! And by meaningful I mean one that isn't revolved around video games or sports or T.V or other such things.

I hate being here right now. I hate it so much. Being back in Glenview and being around my friends there is the only time I ever feel comfortable in my own skin. Being here in this town all alone, being isolated in this apartment is sucking the life from me. I haven't had a good night sleep here in weeks. I wish I had a job or more classwork to at least occupy more of my time. One can only watch so much T.V. or other mindless activities.

Goddamn this existence is meaningless and I hate that I can't stop thinking. I wish I could conform, adapt, be normal.
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(no subject) [Jun. 22nd, 2006|02:40 am]
I've decided I want to run for Congress.

The way I see it if serious changes aren't made soon sometime in the 2030's Medicare and Social Security debt are going to collapse the economy. There are ways to solve the problem either by decreasing benefits or increasing payroll taxes, but the current climate in Washington isn't going to allow this to happen. Nobody will pass the legislation necessary because they risk not being re-elected. Someone needs to kick these pompous windbags in the ass and remind them of their duty to this great country, and I just might be the man to do it. Now all I have to do is somehow get elected with minimal campaign funds while running on a platform of higher taxes.

Goldfine 2008!
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My Weekend [Feb. 13th, 2006|12:01 am]
[music |Alkaline Trio - One Hundred Stories]

Good News and Bad News:

First the Good News.  I met a very cool girl last night.  Her name is Katie Owen,  Clinton's little sister to those who that means something to.  She's a friend of Shelby's here at UofI and I met her when I was hanging out with Shelby and Celine after leaving Jenny's B-Day party.  We all went to another party over at Allen and Katie and we ended up talking for like 3 hours over there. 

Now the Bad News.  I think I have Laryngitis.  I started losing my voice at the end of last night, mostly on the bus ride home, and its been raspy all day today. Let me explain how I think this came to be.  Friday night when I came back from hanging out with the Techfront people I drunkedly decided the it would be fun to sing rather loudly for what I think was about 20 minutes.  Then last night before I met Katie I was out on Jenny's balcony talking to Celine and I had a urge to try her cigarette.  It was just a quick taste and I didnt enhale, but I think that exacerbated the problem.  And then of course the 3 hour conversation itself probably didnt help my voice very much, but was totally worth it.

So that was my weekend.  Hopefully I'll regain my voice fairly quickly because I would like to see her again next weekend.

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(no subject) [Feb. 5th, 2006|09:32 pm]
[mood | drunk]

The Superbowl is MY Christmas
The NFL Draft is MY New Years


I'm done with you
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(no subject) [Jan. 22nd, 2006|01:29 am]
I hate myself so much sometimes. Why can't I take any actions to help fix what I dont like in my life. Sometimes I know what I should do, what I could do to make things better but I just can't action. I guess some of it is pride and some of it is fear, but it feels like theres more too it. Something deep inside of me thats gnaws at me and keeps me inert. Its like my mind is trying to sabotage me from taking action, to keep me from being happy or happier at least. I think this is going to be a long semester, Its sad that Im finding myself looking forward more to the school week and dreading the weekends when I am confronted with my own social inadequcy. I dont remember it being this hard.
I was just standing in front of the mirror for a good 5 minutes contemplating shaving my head and i dont know why. Just glancing from the shaver to the mirror for awhile. My head feels like its going to explode, but its not a headache. its a really wierd feeling. I sorta think i might want to cry but I cant remember how. And i mean that seriously i have a very strong crying urge right now but its been so long. Im going to try and go to bed now but my mind feels far to active and im not that tired. I think im going to be posting more often over the coming weeks
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AHA! [Nov. 25th, 2005|01:51 am]
[mood | jubilant]

I was just watching this history channel program about the presidents and it setlled an argument for me from a month or so ago.  I don't know who I was arguing this with, most likely Robert given the nature of our friendship but Kennedy and Lincoln were not the only presidents to be assasinated, Garfield was as well.

Other interesting things iv learned:

Grover Cleveland is the only president to get married while in office

Teddy Roosevelt named it the White House, previously it was just called the Executive Mansion

Woodrow Wilson is the only president to hold a P.H.D

George W. Bush is the only president to hold an M.B.A.

Oh and if you think there will never be a gay president I suggest you look closer at James Buchanon

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(no subject) [Nov. 17th, 2005|05:07 pm]
[mood | sad]

I just had to scoop my fish out of his bowl too change the water and now he's afraid of me. It makes me sad.
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(no subject) [Oct. 2nd, 2005|12:46 am]
[mood | sad]
[music |none]

Today was one of the lowest days of my life. No particular reason per say, I just felt really sad all day. The girls were both gone from like noon to five and I was just sitting here alone feeling awful. Not sick at all, just generally unhappy. I'm usually not one who gets brought down, but its happened to me quite a bit this semester. I know I've said before that I'm usually content about 90% of the time, happy 9% of the time and sad 1%. This semster its been feeling more like 50% O.K. 45% sad and 5% happy. As someone who usually doesnt get brought down by things, I think that when stuff does get through, its worse. There was about a two week stretch a little while ago when I was sad almost all the time. I dont think anyone noticed, except Robert who I didnt see until the end of that. I guess I'll go through all the things that have gotten to me:

Astro class- I dropped it about a month ago because I realized that there was no way I was going to pass. I don't like failing. I was about to say that its not in my nature to give up, but then it struck me that it kinda is. Its something that I should work on, but I'm a pussy and it probably wont change. Anyways though, I think that even if I had put in full effort, which I almost never do, I couldn't have passed that class. I just didnt know physics or calculus.

My car- A day or two after it dawned on me that I was screwed in that class, I was pulling my car in to my parking spot and scratched the shit out of the passenger side. $180 to replace the sideview mirror, and now it looks like shit. You don't really realize that you have an emotional attachment to an inanmimate object like a car until something happens to it. I love that car, I love the way it drives, and I loved the way it looked. I feel guilty whenever I walk out there now. I'm more careful and it won't happen again, but its going to be a reminder to me for a long time because its a great car that I'm not planning on getting rid of any time soon.

Girls- I really, really want to meet someone. I'm lonely as hell. However, I'm godawful with women in that context. I have absolutely no balls. Thanks mom. On top of my general cowardice about making a move towards members of the opposite sex that I may be into, is the fact that I pretty much have no outlet for meeting women. Lets look at who I spend my time with. Most of the time, I'm either with robert and that crowd, no prospects. Or I spend time with my roomates, who are girls but obviously there's nothing doing there. Beth and Lisa don't have many female friends so thats not an option. And that a summary of where I spend most of my social time. There are some girls I'm friendly with through classes but they're all attached. I've had some social interaction with people through by Business Fraternity but those events aren't very often. I feel as if by not going out or doing much of anything freshman year, I missed out. I know I wasnt ready for that scene at the time, but now I am and I have no way of getting in. How do I casually bring up the fact to the people I'm friendly with in classes that I would like to be invited to do things on the weekends, which is where I think my best chance of meeting someone lies.

Class Workload- I know I shouldnt be complaing because relative to most of the other people that'll read this, its not that bad. But for me its been heavier then normal. I've got case Assignments due every tuesday and thursday. Just piling this whole thing on top of everything isn't helping.

Roomate Situation- Generally good, I've had no problems with it. The issue is that the girls don't tell me when I've done something wrong. Instead they just act wierd around me for a couple weeks, which just happened to be the same time that I was really sad. It just aggravates me when people dont say when something is wrong. If you don't talk about it, it can't get any better. If you tell me what I'm doing wrong, I'll try try to change. When you knew that you didnt want to live with me next year I wish that you had just said so. No hard feelings, I still consider you guys some of my best friends.

Internship- The mother of all stressors. Ok so during that time when I was incredibly depressed I happened to wander in to the business career office, to see what I needed to be doing to hopefully get and internship for this summer. Guess what they told me. There's this online program called Simplicity that you need to register with in order to get internships. Of course there hadn't been any sort of an e-mail letting me know that this program existed. So anyways it was really lucky that I had walked in when i did because i was supposed to have signed up already and it was the last week. So I had to scramble to fix up my resume but i did get registered. What did I find once I had done this. Essentially no companies want to give me an intership this summer. Everyone wants people for the summer before they graduate and because ill be here 5 years thats not me yet. I was told at the career fair(another incredibly stressful situation) to submit my resume anyways just to see what happens. Well within the past week I've been rejected by almost everything I applied for and anticipate being rejected by a couple more next week. I do have one gleam of hope, Deloitte does hire interns two summers in advance and I haven't heard from them yet. But because they're the only ones its uber competitive and I'm having a hard time feeling confident. So now my plan has been shot to hell and its looking more and more like I'm going to be in Champaign for summer school. Thats not what I wanted.

Ok so I've put down everything thats gotten to me lately. If anyone has any advice/kind or encouraging words I would really appreciate it right now.
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Yummy [Sep. 13th, 2005|12:14 am]
I just was thinking. Over the course of my life I think I'm probably going to eat upwards of $6,000 worth of Eggo waffles. And that's not even adjusting for inlation, it'll probably be more then double that by the time I'm done, but at least 6,000 of today's dollars.
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Drunk as I've ever been [Aug. 28th, 2005|02:09 am]
[mood | giddy]
[music |The Headlights - EP2]

The title is a little misleading, but for the first time i would actually say that im drunk and not just tipsy. I have to say it feels pretty good, i just wish that it didnt really hit me until after i was alone. Running up the stairs of the building is what did it. I love those stairs. But now I feel all happy and nobody's around. Beth is back because i saw her car but shes asleep i assume and lisa's with alex probably.

Tonight was probably the most fun iv had since iv been back at UofI. The source... Lauren of all people. I'm really glad she invited me over there because i had a good time. I don't know why but at some point we stopped being friends. We sorta used to yell at each other because i would make a point of antagonizing her. but today i went over with the intent of not fighting and it worked, even when I saw a Che Guevara poster in her room. Fuck HIM.

Oh and for Robert even though she was drunk and i was kind tipsy she still asked me to fix something on her computer. LOL sorta typical but now im finding it amusing. Also Celine came into town today so you should see her before she leaves wed.

Also saw the headlights for free at the Union tonight. They didnt sound particularly good. I dont know if thats because iv sorta idealized them over the summer or because the sound people at the Union sucked. I tend to lean towards the later. Anyways I bought their second EP which made me happy and that sounds really good.

Tomorrow I have to start doing some work for the semester but oh well. I'm gonna go have a donut i think.
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(no subject) [Aug. 3rd, 2005|11:31 pm]
Please excuse me while I go off on a little ego trip rant here, but its something that's been building up in me for too long now and I need to sound off. The past few weeks I've been working on this side project at Blockbuster going off to other stores and setting them up for the new format. I'm part of a team that goes around and does this. Now its been awhile since High school so i cant say that I've worked in a group with "normal" people in awhile and I totally forgot how much I used to hate it. The rest of my "team" is sooo fucking useless its unbelieveable. I really can't wait to get back to Champaign where I know I can actually rely on group members to get work done. It will be nice to be surrounded by intelligent people again.
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Peaks and Valleys! [Jul. 25th, 2005|10:21 pm]
[mood | exhausted]
[music |Oh My God - Kaiser Chiefs]

The last few days were filled with lots of Highs and Lows. Here they are in close to chronological order:

High: Beth and Lisa come in for the weekend. I know I just saw them last weekend but it was still awesome to see them again. I've missed them this summer and I can't wait to move in. The apartment opens up on the 12th so I dont have that much longer to wait.

Low: Having to get up at 8 both mornings. We had to catch our train at 9:40 and the girls dont exactly move fast.

High: Getting to Grant Park at the perfect time each day.

High: The Redwalls. Cool band to listen to and kinda eaze into the weekend

Low: And You will Know us by the Trail of Dead. I downloaded some of their stuff this summer and was looking forward to them. But I really didnt like them live. The lead singer was too angry and beligerent for my taste. We are alive! Shut up and sing the song.

High: Meeting up with Bobby and Brendan and seeing Kaiser Chiefs. Oh My God I Can't Believe It! Absolutely my favorite new band experience of Lolla. They totally rocked and I'm currently in the process of downloading more of their stuff. Seeing it with those guys who had already seen them made it even better I think.

Low: Missing the Bravery. I would have liked to see them but I really wanterd to see:

High: CAKE! I thought they were the best performers of the whole concert. Even though its not my absolute favorite music of those who played I still really like them and they were the best to see live.

High: Billy Idol doing White Wedding and Rebel Yell. Classic songs that were definately worth seeing live.

Low: Billy Idol doing the rest of his set.

High: Watching roadies inflate two large ducks for the Primus Show.

Low: That steak sandwich I had for dinner.

Low: Waiting for Weezer for an hour and a half packed in like sardines.

High: Garage Bags and meeting a girl from Denver.

Higher: Weezer. Because we waited for and hour and a half and got there right as Primus finished we ended up like 20 feet from the stage. They were good live and I like the music.

Low: Crowd surfers. Its really kind of annoying when you have to look back over your shoulder every few minutes to make sure you dont get crushed.

Lower: Waiting at the train station for an hour and a half to take the 1220 home.

High: Watching OK Go to start off sunday. I knew there two famous songs but I liked the rest of their stuff. Also we sat down for it which was kind of nice. The dance number at the end was priceless.

Lowest: Sunday's heat! It was 105 fucking degrees. Enough said.

High: Cooling down from the heat by going to Buckingham fountain with Bobby and the Girls.... and getting totally soaked by a large gust of wind.

Low: It was so fucking hot we dried off in like 20 minutes

High: That sandwich place we went to across from the Art Institute. One of the better turkey sandwiches I've ever had. And I've had my fair share.

Low: Sweating off my sun tan lotion and getting burnt. Thankfully it wasnt as bad as people were telling me. It doesnt hurt that much and I'm actually fairly tan... for me at least.

High: Hooking up with Brendan, Jo and Sam to watch Tegan and Sara

Low: Sara getting heat stroke and the show ending after half an hour.

High: Watching Ben Kweller. I hadnt heard of him at all and was seeing him on lisa's advice. As it turned out I did recognize one of his songs, and I liked the rest of what I saw. I definately jive with Lisa's taste in music.

High/Low: The Arcade Fire. This was kinda the only point in the day where I sorta let the heat get the better of me. Beth and I hung out on a hillock and stayed out of the main crowd. I though the music was allright though there wasnt anything i recognized. I didnt think they were worth the big to do everyone was making over them.

Low: Waiting packed in again to get a good spot for the Killers.

High: Finding ways to spend the time: Acorns, Bubblgum, Corn, Dogs, Easy Mac, a Frog, Grits, Hash, Iodine, ?, Ketamine, Lima Beans, Mangos, Nectarines, and Omlette, Peanut Butter, Q-Tips, Rice, String Beans, shit I can't remember the rest but it was fun.

Highest: The Killers! Despite what I had heard they weren't dissappointing live. The atmosphere was awesome and I was able to sing along to almost every song for the first time of the festival.

Lower: Death Cab. I really like the stuff by them that I have but they were sorta dissapointing live. It was a pretty good way to unwind from the whole experience though.

High: My mom not really embarassing me in front of the girls that much in front of the girls.

Low: Having to convince my mother that she didnt embarass me because apparently I acted like she did.

Lower: She taped over Battlestar before I got to watch it.

High: She recorded the 4400 for me which while not Battlestar good is still pretty sweet.


High: Seeing customers come in still wearing there Lolla wristbands and talking with them about the show.

Low: Working a nine hour shift today. I was fine for the first 5 hours but then the weekend really caughty up with me. My feet started to hurt and I became irritable.

High: Foot Massage

All in all the Highs totally outweighed the Lows and this weekend was really amazing. Lolla ranks up there as the second most unbelieveably cool experience of my life after watching the Illini come back against Arizona. I wish I could've taken some pictures but I didnt feel like taking a camera with. So now I have this entry to look back on years from now instead and remember when.
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(no subject) [Jul. 5th, 2005|01:05 am]
[mood |enthralled]
[music |She's a Rainbow - The Rolling Stones]

It's not everyday that you see a truly great movie. In fact its been more then two years since I've seen one. That is until today. I just finished watching Million Dollar Baby. If you haven't seen it, I cannot recomend enough that you do so. It got me thinking so here now are my Top 10 favorite movies:

1. Shawshank Redemption
2. Million Dollar Baby
3. The Usual Suspects
4. Schindler's List
Those are the only movies I have seen that I would say are truly GREAT. Everything else is just very good. However I feel the need to make the list a nice round number.
5. Pulp Fiction
6. Contact
7. Forrest Gump
8. The Truman Show
9. Fight Club
10.One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
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It's been awhile [Jun. 23rd, 2005|01:09 am]
[mood | pensive]
[music |El Manana - Gorillaz]

Ok I haven't updated this in a realy long time. Pretty much not since I got out of school. That's like 6 weeks ago at this point. So what've I been up to.....Not a whole lot. This summer kinda sucks. I've barely seen my friends and I miss being at college. I've been trying to embrace this summer as the last chance I'm going to have to truly slack off for like 30 years but that really isnt doing much for me.

As for what I've actually been up to:

I've been watching a lot of movies / building a DVD collection (5 free rentals per week)

I've been learning to cook. I'm getting pretty decent at it. Tonight I grilled up some swordfish on my George Foreman. I've been trying to incorporate either bacon or BBQ sauce into just about everything I make and its been working out pretty well so far.

I've been trying to not anger my mother which isnt easy. The smallest things get her to fly off the handle. Thankfully she never stayd pissed for too long and if I can kinda avoid her she cools down

I've been bowling as much as possible. $1 games during the week at Deerbrook mall. Today I bowled my all time high game of 190. I felt really good about this. If only I hadnt gotten a split in the tenth fram I might have broken 200 which is my goal for the summer.

I've been working at Blockbuster. Its only been like 2 or 3 days a week though which leaves me with too much free time still. It can be really stressful sometimes. Also I've been really pissed off by not getting paid. Tomorrow I'm going to get my first paycheck and I've been working the whole time since I've been back. It'll be pretty big though, I'm hoping for around $500.

I've been trying to download music of Lollapalooza bands. The new bands that I've found that I like are Trail of Dead and the Kaiser Chiefs.

Well that's about all I've been up to. Given my boring life as it stand my next update probably wont be until after the concert, or I bowl 200 whichever comes first.

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Words I never thought I'd Say [May. 21st, 2005|01:08 am]

God Bless you Fox executives!

Arrested Development lives to laugh another season.

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Summer [May. 13th, 2005|11:39 pm]
[mood | anxious]
[music |Such Great Heights - the Postal Service]

Allright so I'm officially all settled in back here in Glenview which is nice I suppose. My parents aren't on my nerves yet but its only been a day and a half. Packing everything up and getting into my car took a long time and was really stressful, and I'm really glad to not have to do that again for a couple months. Beth and Lisa I'm sorry I didnt stick around to see u guys, but it was supposed to rain today which would have made packing even worse and I'm sure Bromley was a hell hole today. Anyways, we're obviously going to be seeing plenty of each other next year and hopefully I'll see u in a couple months when ur in for Lollapalooza. (Lisa I dont know if Beth mentioned it to you, but u guys are welcome to stay with me for the weekend.)

Ok in no particular reason here are the things I'm excited about for the summer:

1) Seeing family- This sorta excludes my parents because I'm sure I'll be sick of them fairly soon. But, I do like my extended family and dont like not seeing them when I'm at school. I want to see my grandparents within the next few days. I know my grandmother will be happy that I got my haircut at least. I also really want to see my aunt, uncle and cousins. I always feel like I can have good conversations with my aunt. I think she's probably the second smartest person in my family, and its definately nice to talk to an intelligent female.(My mom horribly fails to qualify). I'm also planning on taking my oldest cousin out for lunch at some point this summer. She's going into high school next year and I want to offer her advise, I've been trying to think of stuff for the last few weeks. I feel as if we have quite a bit in common (In hindsight she might be the smartest person in my family and I'd have to revise that list a bit) and I can be a useful resource for her. Try and make high school better for her then if was for me. Also on the family front though not over the summer, one of my second cousins is getting married in October. Weddings are always fun, and I think I might be able to fenagle some good alcohol at this one. Drinking in front of my parents could be interesting.

2) Friends - It will be good to see people that I havent seen much of over the school year. Bobby, BQ, Joanna once she gets back, even Aaron I guess. And of course Robert and Spoo who I see at school. Just hanging out with these people is what has made the last few summers amazing, and hopefully it can be repeated again this year. I need to make sure to invite people over to my house to counteract the Shappy cat thing. Among other friends, I tend to hang out with Celine more over breaks so that will be cool. And Becky if you were serious about the offer before I would love to come visit you in Madison. Outside of that circle of friends I know I'll see my best friend Mike alot over the summer. It really sucks that I dont get to see him during the school year, but we'll try to make up for some lost time I'm sure. Also I've been friends with Daniel forever and I feel somewhat obligated to keep that friendship going. He'll be proud that I've started drinking at least. Maybe we'll even reunite with Eric and get the gang back together. The three of us were best friends in grade school.

3) Lalapalooza - I know its only two days but I'm really looking forward to it. I was pissed as all hell that I couldn't see the Killers when they were in a couple days ago. Fucking Finals. I sorta made up for it by listening to Hot Fuss like a dozen times while studying, but I really want to see them live. Also looking forward to Dashboard Confessional, Cake, Weezer, Death Cab for Cutie, and the Walkmen. And it'll be an opportunity to expand my musical horizons as well. Also if Beth and Lisa do end up staying with me it would be a cool intro to living with each other next year. I know Bobby Grant and some other people are going to it as well so it should be a helluva good time.

4) Bond - I can't believe its actually going to be made after all this time but it looks like thats the case. When Jo gets back we'll shoot that final scene and hopefully Randy can put it all together in time for us to have a premiere party before the summer is over. We're gonna hold it at my house because its been universally agreed I have the best TV setup.

5) Work - I actually kinda like my job, except when they ask me to wash the fucking windows. The people I work with are cool, and I think I'm pretty good at what I do. I'm knowledgeable about movies and I think I help people have a good night's entertainment. (Rewarding in a way) I'm not that great of a salesmen though so its a good thing we're not paid via how many movie passes we sell. Its also really nice to not have to look for a job in the begining of the summer like in past years. With internships looming this will probably be my last time having a part time job so I guess I should relish it while I can. Obviously earning some cash will also be a good thing. Oh and I get to add to my DVD collection. If anyone has any rental requests let me know.

6) Cooking - It might seem kinda queer but I'm actually looking forward to learning. I don't intend to get by next year entirely on sandwiches and eating out so its important that I learn how to make some real dinners. My mother is an amazing cook and I can think of nobody better to learn from. But ultimately I think the most important thing and a good way to close out this unusually long post is to say that I have eaten my LAST Bromley Meal. It was a long two years.
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Useful Tip [May. 2nd, 2005|02:49 pm]
Ok here's what I did today, and I recommend everyone do next year. As you go through the school year save all the change (quarters, nickels, dimes) from your purchases. Keep it all in a relatively safe place. By the end of the year a decent amount will have accumulated. Take that money and go buy your self a decent meal. I guaranty it will put you into a good mood.
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(no subject) [Apr. 25th, 2005|06:42 pm]
Today I had a completely random urge to smoke a cigar...it worried me.
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(no subject) [Apr. 23rd, 2005|11:52 pm]
one word: Jew-fro
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BAP Bar night [Apr. 22nd, 2005|12:26 am]
[mood | relaxed]
[music |Headlights]

Well that was a fun night. I've discovered the ultimate irony. I spent pretty much all last year hanging out playing cards and being afraid to go to the bars. After having gone out a couple times now, iv come to realize that alot of what people do at the bars is play cards. Sure the loser has to drink in this case but still its seems mindblowing to me right now. That could be because I'm slightly tipsy though. Had two caronas over the span of a couple hours. (man am I a lightweight) I'm not really drunk, but my legs do feel a little wobbly. Tonight was fun though I went out with people from my business frat. They're mostly pretty cool and I'd enjoy hanging out with them alcohol or no. I was flirting with this brunette that was sitting next to me a little bit and that was cool. However I went to go take a piss and when I came back she was dancing. At that point my liquid courage wasn't enough and I backed off (kinda regretting it but I probably would've made a fool out of myself). I left a shortly after that. Which was probably a good idea since I need to get up early tomorrow and drive home. YEA! NFL Draft! Hey Hey!
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